5 Steps to Nursing a Grudge * CoveyClub

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5 Steps to Nursing a Grudge

Why let go when you can hold on with everything you’ve got

By Dara Pettinelli

There’s lots of advice out there for those evolved enough to accept that Schadenfreude is an unreliable gateway to inner peace — wishing ill unto others only poisons you, blah blah blah. We’ve heard all the pro forgiveness arguments and they all make sense, logically. But have you ever tried to send loving thoughts toward someone you actually wanted to see fall on their face? It’s nearly impossible and arguably subhuman. Not to mention the heartburn it induces. What about those of us who want to hold on, who feel empowered by our vindictive thoughts — how do we power through? As Marcia DeSanctis wrote in “The Joys of Nursing a Grudge,” “sure, you could give it up and move on … but that would ruin all the fun.”

For those about to rage, we salute you.


1. Give it all your mental focus
Having a good day? Enjoying the smells of spring? Allow the thought of your wrongdoer to slip in, unsolicited, and take over


2. Live in the past
Why should you be the one who has to move on?


3. F*ck Empathy
You know who deserves your empathy? Melania Trump. It’s time for your wrongdoer to pay their karmic tab, you’re waiting …


4. Tell everyone
Are you sure you’ve vented about this person to everyone you know who will tell you that you’re right? Using an echo chamber to bad-mouth your wrongdoer and validate your feelings is called catharsis.


5. Do not forgive, do not forget
No matter what you do, do not forgive the wrongdoer. Let it be a lesson to anyone who wants to shake your fragile ego. You live in a forgiveness-free zone. No one will pass Go. No one will collect $200. You know what they did last summer and you will never forget.



The Joys of Nursing a Grudge (May 2018 issue)

Does Your Voice Undercut Your Authority? 

I Was Sort of Trained to Hate, So I Know How We Can Stop


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