March 2019 * CoveyClub

Issue 13

March 2019

Note from the editor

 Women Must Invest More in Themselves

One of the most frustrating and sometimes alarming things I’ve discovered about women’s behavior in recent months is our unwillingness to invest in ourselves. We buy our kids the latest and greatest phone, sports equipment, and clothes. We hire tutors and soccer instructors. But when it comes to investing in our own personal advancement and preparation for what’s next, we fall short. I hear this even from friends who run businesses designed to help women reenter the workforce after a break. These are women who really need to brush up on their tech skills, for example, but hesitate to lay down a couple hundred dollars to hone their Outlook skills.

Yes, women have a history of taking care of others before caring for themselves. But if we don’t break these habits now, we risk putting ourselves and everyone who depends on us in jeopardy. Remember that in 1900 the average age of mortality for white women in the US was 49. In 2018,  life expectancy for all female infants in the US was 81. It only makes sense that both you and I will need more education, more coaching, more exposure to new exciting ideas and opportunities. We will need a professional tune-up or two and will most likely need to invest in that update.

And I will share another observation: women who invest more in themselves do better. They get the promotion. They get the next job offer. They find their way to a profession with purpose. I recently asked an uber-successful entrepreneur, who relies a lot on coaching, how much she has spent over the years on those services. Her answer: $60,000! I’m not saying coaches are the answer to feeling stuck, passed over, on shaky ground or frustrated about funding your start-up. I’m saying investment in your advancement is. And that could mean paying for a course at the local high school to get your reinvention going as a side hustle. Or it could mean footing the cost of a move across the country to hit your next challenge. Skip the new pair of shoes or the next Botox injection. Just please don’t be so stingy with yourself and your future. Invest in your potential first.

To get you started with that thinking, you must read Kathryn Sollmann’s “Hire the Right Career Coach (And Don’t Get Ripped Off).” Sollmann is an executive coach herself and she helps us navigate the good, the bad, and, yes, the ugly. Debra Borden’s “Can You Cook Yourself Happy?” is a fascinating look at a new kind of therapy that uses cooking as a doorway to improving mental health. And Fariba Nawa reports on a former war zone in Turkey where it just so happens girls are kicking boys’ butts in “The Post-War Zone Where Girls Outachieve Boys.” Tamara Lytle’s “After Parenting: Asking Myself Whom Am I?” prepares us for that moment when you lift up your head and find you’re totally, hilariously, out of touch. Mel Miskimen’s “Dad and the DNA Kit” will make you chuckle as her 90-year-0ld dad reacts to unexpected findings in the family genetics. Amy Sunshine turns us onto a new fab tool for fixing fine or flat hair in “Fine Hair: From Flat to Fabulous — in Seconds.” And Virginia Gilbert’s “Sex or Sexlessness in Midlife” is a therapist’s insightful discussion of a trend she is seeing among her clients that is sure to get you talking.

Enjoy the issue! Don’t forget to leave your comments at the bottom of the articles. We want to hear your voice!


Hot flash!

Of the 350 films in this dataset, 105 are listed as female-led and 245 are listed as male-led in Studio System. On average, female-led films lead global box office revenue at every budget level for 2014-2017....Films that passed the Bechdel test — where two female characters have a conversation about something other than a man — made more revenue at the box office at every budget level than films that failed the test.


Say what?

"In order to change skins, evolve into new cycles, I feel one has to learn to discard. If one changes internally, one should not continue to live with the same objects. They reflect one’s mind and psyche of yesterday. I throw away what has no dynamic, living use."

— Anaïs Nin


Debra Borden

Debra Borden, The Sous Therapist, is an LCSW in NY an NJ and the author of Cook Your Marriage Happy, the first in her Cook Yourself Happy series, as well as two novels, Lucky Me and A Little Bit Married. Visit her at and and follow her on IG @debraborden.

Debra welcomes emails from readers and always writes back!

Virginia Gilbert

Virginia Gilbert, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles. She specializes in sexual issues and divorce (although not necessarily at the same time).


Tamara Lytle

Tamara Lytle is a Washington, D.C.-based writer for magazines, newspapers and web sites. She’s also the mother of twin boys.

Fariba Nawa

Fariba Nawa is an Istanbul-based journalist, speaker and author of Opium Nation: Child Brides, Drug Lords and One Woman’s Journey through Afghanistan.